Here I sit after one of the most despicable showings I've seen since Zefferelli's. Currently, I'm eating my papaya paella, which was absolutely inedible until I came home and tweaked it, along with my partner's gnocchi.
Why did I have to essentially cook these items myself? Well...
Arrived at 5:07 to an empty restaurant and were told to come back at 5:30. Score 1 for hospitality. We went to the Starbucks down the road to attempt to tide us over. These would be the only decent eats for the next few hours.
We got in and were greeted with a chilly reception and an even chillier restaurant. It was so cold that we had to keep our coats on for the duration of the meal.
20 min later, the Antipasto came. (Did I mention we were the only ones in the restaurant?) Two flavorless, crunchy risotto domes atop a pitiful helping of bland "marinara," grilled veg drizzled with balsamic (decent flavour, but it's hard to mess up plain veggies), and a heaping mound of mid-grade olives.
We finished the appy, somewhat incredulous but still hopeful (and, moreover, starving) for our mains. Originally, my partner had ordered the cheeky ravioli, but they were "out." Later, we learned that Abigail is a repeat offender: the duck was "out" as well. So we settled on the Papaya Paella and the Gnocchi.
The gnocchi was so dry that is became difficult to swallow without the aid of my (fruitfly-trapping) water. The flavour was decent, but nothing to write home about.
And then I tried my paella. Frankly, they should more accurately call this "bland yellow rice with essence of seawater and filled with peppers as filler to distract you from the meager seafood helping." I truly have never tasted something so bland.
I fixed this dish in under 5 minutes by adding white wine, butter, salt, pepper, cayenne, and (regrettably, but it needed it!) liquid smoke.
We bolted out of there too soon for dessert, freezing and aching to write this review.
Never go to Abigail's Party.